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Brad Brookins

Brad Brookins is a graduate of UW-River Falls.

April 9, 2009

Smoking reasons fall short on logic

I used to get headaches when being around smokers. You know the kind? The ones who sort of start as a light tingle in the back of your skull and then move through the center of your brain and end in a constant vibration and pulsing of pain; as if someone were taking a tweezers […]

March 26, 2009

Dorms require proper Feng Shui for lifestyle

I hope everyone’s spring break was as riveting as mine. It’s been two weeks since my fingers tapped away at my crap-ass laptop, golly. Anyway. It’s been almost a year since my last night in my McMillan dorm room, number 127, first floor, the most rockin’ floor in the entire world of dormitories. Having housed […]

March 12, 2009

Center of the universe located on campus

So there I was, kicking ass like always when I started to feel the warmth of self-importance wash over my body. Suddenly it hit me: I am the center of the universe. As I became aware of this I felt the weight of all objects in our solar system and beyond tugging away at my […]

March 5, 2009

University Center leprechaun blamed for stealing possessions

So there I was, watching the “Terminator Salvation” movie trailer at a kiosk in the University Center, when I felt a brush against my back. When I turned around to find nobody there minus the girl next to me, I became perplexed. It wasn’t until a few moments later that I found my wallet, keys […]

February 26, 2009

Father Time prolongs boredom, kidnaps fun

So I recently had the opportunity to meet someone very important, controversial and effective. I say he’s important, because without him we wouldn’t exist. I say controversial because he’s never in enough abundance for or all of us to appreciate. And I say he’s effective because he’s extremely gifted in the art of pissing me […]

February 19, 2009

Squirrel gang terrorizes campus

Though still mid-February, it seems there are many signs hinting toward a premature Spring season. With Mother Nature teasing the students of River Falls with occasional temperatures groping the mid forties, and the temptation to inflate their dying basketballs for a game of lightning, life on campus appears good. On multiple occasions has Main Street […]

February 12, 2009

‘Sexual Depravity’ author scores print in limitless media

I like to step out of my bounds every once in a while to get a whiff of what’s goin’ on down the road—like UW-Stout or UW-Eau Claire, namely Eau Claire. Actually, I lied. Though I do enjoy seeing what’s going on elsewhere, I didn’t seek anything out this week. I was actually handed an […]

February 5, 2009

Columnist dabbles anarchy of the mind

Welcome back, folks. Like an unplanned teen pregnancy, this semester has jolted my attention and alert level into a state of frenzy. I can’t fathom myself living the rest of my life the same way I spent my lazy J-Term. Though I was able to rest and sleep pretty much as long as I wanted, […]

December 11, 2008

‘Real’ winter qualities remain in high demand

It seems there’s this yearly occurrence called “winter.” I only recently became aware of this phenomenon when nearly shattering my ankle trying cross Cascade while a fury of angry drivers attempted to run me and three others-two of whom did not survive-down. My ankle is okay, but my morale was all but incinerated despite the […]

December 4, 2008

Second offenders to be met with punishment of servitude

Welcome back, ladies and gentleman. I was reading the latest issue of The Student Voice and I came across a very interesting letter to the editor. Actually, if I recall correctly, it was the only letter to the editor. Anyhoo. So there I was, lounging in my apartment listening to the sweet sounds of Tommy […]