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Joe Hager

Joe Hager is a student at UW-River Falls.

March 24, 2010

Mystery graffiti artists on campus lack creativity, skills

I noticed something on my spring break strolls last week. River Falls has fallen captive to the most insidious of all criminals – those damned graffiti people. I don’t know what else to call them. Artists? Psh, the line between graffiti and art – at least in our town – remains broad. Sure, graffiti meets […]

March 5, 2010

Columnist parodies Lent by giving up textbooks

Two years ago I was but the clutching seed of the tall, proud sprout I’ve become. Today I look back on my errant past, seeing both encouraging growth and the wayward blunders of youth. Danish savant Soren Kierkegaard (that grizzled thinker with feathered, existential hairbobs and a postmodern chin) once said “Life can only be […]

February 12, 2010

Working in retail leads to frustration, clever solutions

Throughout the past year or so, we have been bombarded with a barrage of “our economic illness is now terminal”-type news. As a result of our frail, bedridden economy we are left with the prospect of not finding the jobs of our dreams upon graduation. Some of us might have to accept an internship or […]

May 7, 2009

Summer movies will allow science fiction to make comeback

2009 is shaping up to be a remarkable year in film. Captain Kirk and his diverse crew of interstellar explorers are traveling through space and time in the upcoming “Star Trek” remake— a badass-looking sci-fi action flick that, with luck, will be everything the new Star Wars trilogy was not. It’s OK, it’s 2009 and science fiction is finally becoming cool again.

April 16, 2009

Stray Cats conjoin plethora of musical genres in concert

Last Friday was a beautiful night to be in downtown Minneapolis, waiting outside for a concert. Ben Brewster, the editor of this newspaper, and I were lined up on First Avenue on Friday evening to see Brian Setzer’s 50th birthday show at the Fine Line Music Café. It was a reunion show featuring Setzer’s famous 1980s retro-rockabilly band, the Stray Cats.

April 9, 2009

Useless footwear functions increase

In the new comedy “I Love You, Man,” Jason Segel plays an eccentric named Sydney Fife. This dude’s idea of a good time is meandering down the Venice Beach boardwalk in shorts and Ugg Boots, letting his gastrically-overactive terrier lay turds directly in the path of oncoming rollerbladers and strolling romantic couples.

April 2, 2009

Role models marred by lies, cheating, scandals

Even American Idols cheat. I read recently that several “Idol” stars, while performing en masse on a special episode, sang over their own pre-recorded vocal tracks on prime time. Under the impression that “American Idol” was a show intended to discover musical talent, I gave an ironic chuckle as I read the article. What a […]

February 26, 2009

Energy bills raise cost of comfort

I used to argue that living off-campus was cheaper than getting a dorm. For all intents and purposes, it should be cheaper. But what I didn’t take into account was something called the energy bill-have any of you ever heard of this before? I hadn’t. Apparently an “energy bill” is this piece of paper-quite like […]

February 19, 2009

Cultural classiness succumbs negatively to pure laziness

So none of my ideas from last time panned out. Too bad, I guess genius will have to wait. This week I’m onto classiness, a topic that-since it’s been on my mind-has caused me to experience severe cognitive dissonance and general uneasiness. No worry, they’re two conditions I’ve gotten used to, and perhaps grown a little fond of.

February 12, 2009

‘Revolutionary’ ideas border on insanity

The evidence continues to mount, dear readers. Though not yet official, the picture is becoming clear: there’s a solid chance, a real solid chance, that I may be verging on genius. Every so often, an intellectual hero-a genius-comes along with an idea that sparks the imagination of an entire culture and can lead to great […]

February 5, 2009

Musical taste requires no analysis or routine

Conversations and interactions I’ve had with my peers during my 4 million years as an undergrad have left me with an unsettled feeling toward the state of music. On one hand, the state of music production has never thrived quite like it is right now. The abundance of personal computers, the wide availability of professional-grade […]

December 11, 2008

Craigslist offers more than simple items for purchase

Whoever Craig is, he has invented what might be the most interesting list-based Web site on the Internets today: craigslist.com. I have not the tiniest photon of doubt that my venerated readers have visited or at least heard of this wacky web destination. Craigslist is a Web site that follows the success story of eBay […]