Student Voice


November 30, 2023




Sweatpants are the reason women are single

February 2, 2007

Hey ladies. Are you single? Do you wonder why you haven’t found Mr. Right at college? Do you wear sweatpants to class? If you do, let me try to give you some insight into your
problem. Listen, sweatpants are ugly, and no matter what words you have printed across your butt, we’re not buying it.

First off, I don’t want to single out the women on this because men are equally guilty, but women in sweatpants are far more hurtful to my eyes.

Women have curves, and more bells and whistles than their male counterparts, so why would they want to wear sweatpants and a sweatshirt that effectively change their physique into that of the Stay-Puff Marshmallow Man?

Like it or not, the first thing men see is your looks, and if you make your appearance completely innocuous and frumpy, he isn’t even going to talk to you long enough to see the “real” you?

What’s with the words written across the ass? I know it’s important to let everybody know that you're a princess, or that you play softball, but show some class. The whole point of that is to draw attention to your frumpy, sweatpants-covered butt, and that just screams that you have no class on multiple fronts. Maybe I’ll start wearing pants that have the words “ego-maniac” or “hung” written over the crotch. That would get me all kinds of positive attention.

The defense I hear for sweatpants is that they are comfortable. That’s true. It makes them the perfect thing to wear around the house or in the dorm, but when you go outside put on some jeans or something that actually compliments your figure. Jeans are still very comfortable and your legs won’t look like those of a stocky, grey elephant. They are quick, easy and they compliment your figure. Everybody wins.

If you don’t want to do it to look good or to have your own sense of style or attract the opposite (or same) sex, then do it for your own positive self-image. How you dress shows people how you identify with yourself, your aspirations for the day and will directly affect your confidence. I know that when I put on a three-button suit, I feel great. When a girl looks great, she lights up a room and everyone can see it on her face. When she dresses like a bag lady, she’s just lazy.

Finally, if you dress well, you’re setting yourself up psychologically for the day ahead of you. Recent studies performed by major companies like General Motors and Pepsi show that people who dress better are more productive.

Girls, are you setting yourself up for success if you go to class looking like you just rolled out of bed? No, you’re treating the classroom like it’s the dorm room. Don’t think I didn’t see you sleeping back there, sweatpants girl. What’s the problem? Too comfortable?

It’s true, sweatpants are as much a staple of college life as ramen noodles, but you only hurt yourself by being seen in public in those clown pants. Wear something that works for you, something that fits you well. You'll look better, have greater self confidence and be far more attractive.

Kris Evans is a student at UW-River Falls.