Opinion

Sports fan continues hateful rant against popular fads, athletes

By Andrew Phelps

April 9, 2010

Since there is simply too much hate to go around in the sports world to be confined to 500 words, I proudly present part two of my Student Voice Player Hater’s Ball.

I hate that its become fashionable to wear hideous looking Yankee hats even if you’re not a fan of their team.

And what in god’s name is up with hip-hop culture embracing this crap? Yeah nothing says “gangsta” to me like a sport played predominantly by white men who wear tight fitting uniforms, chew tobacco, and slap each other’s asses.

You know how every now and then you’ll see some old television footage from 10-20 years ago and you just can’t believe some of the fashion from back then? Do you idiots not realize that this is, without a doubt, going to happen with these hats? It completely baffles me that some morons think it looks good to leave your brim straight and the sticker still on….why on earth can’t they just have a small tag inside of the hat which tells them which size it is? Do you really need an oversized sticker to announce to the world that you have an enormous cranium?

And on top of all of that, people apparently feel the need to match their outfits with their hats now. So instead of just having some ugly neon green/pink/orange/whatever other ridiculous color hat, you now have to have that color in your entire outfit so that you look like a stoplight. I’d tell you to burn these ugly looking hats, but considering the personality of the people who wear this garbage, I think we’d all be better off if they just jumped into the furnace themselves.

Floyd Mayweather Jr.

This guy is seriously one of the biggest douchebags I’ve ever seen in professional boxing, which is quite a statement. He talks trash nonstop, calls himself “money” and “pretty boy,” and continues to cowardly dodge Manny Pacquaio. That’s not really all that baffling, considering he’s a professional boxer, but he fights like a creampuff too.

I hate his punk-ass jab and run style. If you’re going to fight like that, then don’t run your mouth for god’s sake—you don’t have the right. I really hope Mosley knocks his arrogant, bankrupt head off, but because he’s so good that’s just not going to happen, which is what makes it so completely enraging.

Apolo Anton Ohno

Congratulations, you grinning idiot. In some magical way, you have convinced the TV networks, the Olympics Committee, and most of the American public that you’re actually good at your sport. Every one of your medals is a complete joke, and it’s an insult to Michael Phelps (who, unlike you, is capable of winning gold instead being gifted bronze) that your names are for whatever reason linked together by the clueless sports media.

Short track is an extremely high-variance competition, but the way Apolo repeatedly luckboxes over infinitely more talented competition is nothing short of astounding. However, I’ve noticed that smug, self-satisfied grin disappears pretty fast when things don’t go his way. In Vancouver (after he was rightly disqualified), he freezes up and finds nothing better to do than blame the “biased” Canadian referee. Epitome of class…hope you enjoyed your DQ Blizzard, loser. In the meantime, keep growing your the god-awful soul patch—it seemingly gets more repulsive every four years—and being “alternative” and “chill” with your badass bandanna. I hope the South Korean skaters eat your dogs.

Andrew Phelps is an alumnus of UW-River Falls.