Rachel Responds
Changing roles for women in dating
February 24, 2012
Mystified Miss asks: “Why is it that guys always pick up girls, but girls can’t pick up guys?”
You’re at your local drinking hole fraternizing and carrying on when a lone tiger appears and the predator becomes the prey. That’s right, ladies, it’s a wild jungle out here and at one point or another your night will end in you having been eyed up, hit on and/or checked out by every party animal around. Some charming and others unsavory but all-in-all, the men are making the moves. You, both wise and observant, might be wondering why women never seem to do the picking-up.
Men typically pursue women. Women don’t do the pursuing. And why shouldn’t they? It’s 2012 not 1952. With the world potentially ending this December now is as good a time as ever for women to show men when they’re interested. But approaching and meeting people is just as unnerving, if not more so, for us then it is for them. So what do you need to know to get started on your path to pick-up enlightenment?
First, determine what you are looking for. Are you just looking to meet people? Do you just want someone to play Hide-N-Seek tag with for an evening? Are you looking for a long-term relationship or marriage?
People are the spice of life and meeting new people can be adventurous and fun. As a busy college student the opportunities to get out and do something new might be challenging. However, there are many places on campus or locally that can offer opportunities to meet to others.
There is the bar—the most obvious place. However, the bar isn’t the only place to meet guys. Don’t limit yourself. Another common place is class. Sure, there’s not a whole lot of talking in most classrooms. However, you will already have something in common with whomever you meet. If the class is related to your major it’s likely you have common personality traits, interests and goals. You can always ask for help with homework, projects or tests. People who join organizations often have similar interests as well. Many organizations have planned activities and regular meetings that can be penciled in and planned for.
Locally, you can volunteer for a cause that interests you, join a gym and take kickboxing or yoga classes or study in a coffee shop or park.
Once you’ve identified someone you’d like to get to know more then your next step is to approach them. Easier said then done. Traditionally women don’t approach men. Men approach us. So you might find it difficult gathering the courage to walk up and begin talking to someone you don’t know.
On the first approach Cosmopolitan suggests utilizing the prized pick-up line: “hi.” Sounds a little too simple, but it’s effective. No one is going to walk away from a friendly greeting. Most guys feel that they are expected to make all the moves and many appreciate someone else taking the pressure off. Whether or not this guy is already interested in you is beside the point, a friendly greeting is not going to anger him! Friendly greetings warrant friendly responses and then the two of you can get to talking.
The conversation itself can seem a bit intimidating if you think about it before the approach. So don’t. Once you’ve started talking the conversation should come naturally. Talk about college, dolphins, bad drivers, Google Chrome vs. Firefox (and take the opposing side), a party he should come to or whatever else that strikes your fancy. There are no hard and fast rules about conversing.
If ‘hi’ is too dull for your approach try vamping it up with:
- Pick-up lines, such as “how much does a polar bear weigh? Enough to break the ice!” Yes, this is cheesy but funny from a woman and a real smile will seal the deal.
- Falling: not into a puddle, unless you can do that with grace. However, falling into someone’s lap will certainly get their attention. Whether it appears accidental or on purpose when done with a little charm it will be memorable.
- Eye contact: holding someone’s gaze for five seconds, smiling and looking away will clearly indicate what you are thinking.
Once the two of you are talking keep these things in mind:
- Be yourself: acting like someone you are not will get awkward quickly and will not help you establish a real connection. Always be honest.
- Be positive: happy people are fun people.
- Be confident: confidence is respected and appearing collected, even if you’re a little nervous, will help you.
- Smile a lot: this goes along with being positive. Show interest by smiling and using a lot of eye contact.
- Don’t be a Revealing Rhonda: no one wants to know about your eight cats, propensity for security envelops or bad relationship history upon the first meeting. Leave the details for a later date.
- Establish commonalities: same major, hometown, hobbies, sense of humor, pets, hatred for early mornings or abhorrence for the color red. Whatever it is, it will be remembered.
Thanks for the question, Mystified Miss. Anyone may submit questions, concerns or quandaries to questionsforrachel@ live.com. Please send them right away if you’d like to see them in the next issue of the Student Voice. Don’t forget to like “Rachel Responds” on Facebook and follow “Rachel- Responds” on Twitter.
Rachel Woodman is a senior majoring in marketing communications and minoring in journalism. She loves to work hard, play hard, and use clichés! Look for her Facebook page “Rachel Responds” and email her your questions or topic ideas to QuestionsForRachel@live.com.