Iraq war and soldiers need support from Americans
April 12, 2007
Call me John Q. American. Why? Because I believe in real American values. I believe in the holy principle of freedom, the resurrection of Reagan conservatism and the everlasting support of our president and our troops.
Speaking of supporting the troops, I want to say thank you to the men who fight for us every day.
It’s your fight that makes writing columns like this possible. You signed on the dotted line and answered the call. You are the best trained and most well equipped army in the world, and we know it’s your love for us that keeps you going back again and again to Iraq. We’ll do what we can on our end to keep you fighting.
Since we’re on the topic of supporting our troops, screw that liberal, cake-eating John McCain. He wants to make torture illegal; what gives him the right. And he means the government shouldn’t be allowed to torture. How else are we going to get the vital information we need to win this war?
Our boys need information that satellites, spies, phone taps and three intelligence agencies wouldn’t otherwise be able to obtain. Look, we have an inalienable right as Americans to protect ourselves and our families from these middle-eastern types who are trying to kill our boys occupying Baghdad. It’s too bad you don’t have a constitution, Iraq.
The trick to winning the Iraq situation is to win the hearts of the people. I recently gathered up all of my slightly-worn flags, once used Bic disposable razors and my girlfriend’s old tank tops, and sent them over to distribute to the Iraqis. I wanted to let them know that the American people understand them and their fight to be free. Once they know we want them to be just like us, free and righteous, how could they not be on board?
Look, freedom is like a good kind of cancer; it spreads slow at first, but it will pick up steam. If we give them freedom, make a democracy and only kill the bad guys, we’ll have their hearts.
The problem over in their countries is that they aren’t unified like us. They have all these tribes and gangs that are arguing, and fighting, and killing each other over there, but what they need to be is unified like us. You don’t see Americans doing that kind of stuff. There are arguments, sure, but we know right from wrong. People can debate what they want, but this is a democracy, and the silent majority will win out. That’s the problem as I see it. They haven’t found a civilized way of settling disputes into black and white like we have.
I know there might be a vocal minority that disagrees with my viewpoints, but like any good American, I tolerate them because tolerance is what holds a nation together. The truth is that most people agree with me. After all, it says on our money “E pluribus unum,” which means, “Out of many, there is one,” which is just as true as “in God we trust.” Sure, we have a few dissenters, but the majority is what real American values are all about. How could that many people with good common sense be wrong? So to all you Hillary-loving, taxraising, peace-loving, sodomizing, east coast liberal elites who don’t support the war or the troops, I say shove off.
You can’t set deadlines, or cut their funding, or write articles in your liberal rags when you don’t know anything about it. You’re ignorant. Leave it to people who have been in the military, like President Bush.
Kris Evans is a student at UW-River Falls.