Joe Hager

24 Mar 2010

Mystery graffiti artists on campus lack creativity, skills

I noticed something on my spring break strolls last week. River Falls has fallen captive to the most insidious of all criminals – those damned graffiti people. I don’t know what else to call them. Artists? Psh, the line between […]

05 Mar 2010

Columnist parodies Lent by giving up textbooks

Two years ago I was but the clutching seed of the tall, proud sprout I’ve become. Today I look back on my errant past, seeing both encouraging growth and the wayward blunders of youth. Danish savant Soren Kierkegaard (that grizzled […]

12 Feb 2010

Working in retail leads to frustration, clever solutions

Throughout the past year or so, we have been bombarded with a barrage of “our economic illness is now terminal”-type news. As a result of our frail, bedridden economy we are left with the prospect of not finding the jobs […]

07 May 2009

Summer movies will allow science fiction to make comeback

2009 is shaping up to be a remarkable year in film. Captain Kirk and his diverse crew of interstellar explorers are traveling through space and time in the upcoming “Star Trek” remake— a badass-looking sci-fi action flick that, with luck, will be everything the new Star Wars trilogy was not. It’s OK, it’s 2009 and science fiction is finally becoming cool again.

16 Apr 2009

Stray Cats conjoin plethora of musical genres in concert

Last Friday was a beautiful night to be in downtown Minneapolis, waiting outside for a concert. Ben Brewster, the editor of this newspaper, and I were lined up on First Avenue on Friday evening to see Brian Setzer’s 50th birthday show at the Fine Line Music Café. It was a reunion show featuring Setzer’s famous 1980s retro-rockabilly band, the Stray Cats.

09 Apr 2009

Useless footwear functions increase

In the new comedy “I Love You, Man,” Jason Segel plays an eccentric named Sydney Fife. This dude’s idea of a good time is meandering down the Venice Beach boardwalk in shorts and Ugg Boots, letting his gastrically-overactive terrier lay turds directly in the path of oncoming rollerbladers and strolling romantic couples.

02 Apr 2009

Role models marred by lies, cheating, scandals

Even American Idols cheat. I read recently that several “Idol” stars, while performing en masse on a special episode, sang over their own pre-recorded vocal tracks on prime time. Under the impression that “American Idol” was a show intended to […]

26 Feb 2009

Energy bills raise cost of comfort

I used to argue that living off-campus was cheaper than getting a dorm. For all intents and purposes, it should be cheaper. But what I didn’t take into account was something called the energy bill-have any of you ever heard […]

19 Feb 2009

Cultural classiness succumbs negatively to pure laziness

So none of my ideas from last time panned out. Too bad, I guess genius will have to wait. This week I’m onto classiness, a topic that-since it’s been on my mind-has caused me to experience severe cognitive dissonance and general uneasiness. No worry, they’re two conditions I’ve gotten used to, and perhaps grown a little fond of.

12 Feb 2009

‘Revolutionary’ ideas border on insanity

The evidence continues to mount, dear readers. Though not yet official, the picture is becoming clear: there’s a solid chance, a real solid chance, that I may be verging on genius. Every so often, an intellectual hero-a genius-comes along with […]