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Opinion

Obama’s sexist comment sparks student response

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April 11, 2013

If anyone is following current events, our president is getting blasted for calling a woman “pretty.”

Yes, I know what you are all thinking: that sexist pig. But to be quite honest, I wasn’t entirely sure that I wasn’t a sexist pig. I am very happy that the social media defenders of Kamala Harris have brought me to light on the situation.

Ladies, I apologize. I neglected to realize that my comments on how you totally didn’t look fat in those jeans or that you looked cute today were demeaning your stature as a woman.

This could be the reason why several of my previous girlfriends broke up with me as my comments telling them they looked really nice today were placing them below me on a social level. So I am sorry, and to my ex-girlfriends, I apologize for telling you that you looked very nice that day, even though you looked OK but needed that one boost to get through the day, for I now realize it destroyed your feminist spirit.

To rectify this problem, I have come up with a solution. Since insulting women was considered sexist since, well, the beginning of time, I have decided to stay one step ahead of the curve. I have decided that the only way I can avoid offending you is to simply not acknowledge your presence.

This will be very hard I assure you, but I have a feeling that I can achieve this without becoming a eunuch. If you don’t know what that means, please don’t Google image search it. Just Wikipedia it. But then I realized that I would then offend men for they would feel that I have not neglected them properly and as equal as you women. So I have decided I’ll just offend everyone 100 percent equally.

So from now on when men and women walk up to me, I shall most likely demean them to social class and level under me. Because let’s face it, I’m pretty freaking awesome.

Nick Vanden Heuvel is a double major in political science and international studies who does school work by day and fights white collar crime by night.