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Opinion

Minnesota sports need more than Christmas wish list

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December 2, 2010

The holidays are fast approaching, and since the world of Minnesota sports cannot separate their dreams from reality, I thought it would be appropriate to make a Christmas wish list for them.

Let me start with Mr. Brett Favre.

For Christmas, all he wants is a nice retirement home with unlimited texting. But, since dear Mr. Favre has been naughty, all he will receive is a walker and his fourth retirement party— but this is the final straw. For the sake of us all, please retire!

Ahh, and who could forget Mr. Brad Childress. All he wants for Christmas is to collect his unemployment benefits, courtesy of the Green Bay Packers. My only question is, why didn’t they fire you weeks ago?

After all, the Vikings only made Chilly look even sillier after the first game without him saw Interim Head Coach Leslie Frazier and company beating a team that neither the Packers nor the Bears could beat.

It is a shame that so much talent went to waste. However, Santa might be nice to you; he will let you go to a retirement home right next to Favre. That way, the two of you can bicker to the very end.

But Santa does know the inner desires of every team, including the Green Bay Packers. Dear Aaron Rodgers, all he wants is a ring. However, Rodgers is playing with the big boys now, and he won’t see that ring for at least five more years. While Rodgers’ performance against the Vikings was certainly admirable, it is the closer games against play-off contenders where Rodgers falters and comes up short. Fumbling on the 1-yard line against the Falcons has dropped the Packers to eigth place. So for this Christmas, Rodgers will be receiving a lump of coal, because he cowers in the face of adversity.

The final Christmas wish is for the Hubert H. Humphrey Metrodome, also known as the Humpty Dump. While you have been very kind, especially to the Minnesota Twins, it is time for the Vikings to find a better place.

This Christmas will be your final as the capital of Minnesota sports. The Metrodome is the only stadium in the world to have hosted all of the following: the NFL Super Bowl, 1992; Major League Baseball’s All-Star Game, 1985; two World Series, 1987 and 1991; and the Final Four of the NCAA Division I Men’s Basketball Championship, 1992 and 2001. The Metrodome’s time, just like Favre’s, is about to expire. There is no doubt in my mind that the people of Minnesota will come through for a new stadium, but my only plea is to please have a retractable roof. This is more than likely not to happen, but nevertheless, this is a Christmas list.

The world of Minnesota sports never ceases to amuse me. It tears at all of my emotions. But hopefully Santa will hear my plea, because unlike Randy Moss, I don’t ask for much!

Ashley Goettl is an alumna of UW-River Falls. She was editor of the Student Voice from fall semester 2011 to spring semester 2013.