Halloween costumes risqué
October 8, 2009
Not since the third grade have I paid this much attention to what I was to wear on Halloween. I recall those elementary days where I strutted around as a witch, a genie, and a militant army girl with a sawed-off plastic machine gun. Ah, those innocent years. Now, being a college student, I have picked up on the tradition of dressing up once again. But when I look around come Halloween night, I don’t expect to see the same sort of costumes as I did when I was poking my fake gun at people. I expect to wonder how they all stay warm in their choice of wear.
Looking online for costume ideas, I couldn’t help but feel like I accidentally walked into the dim-lit “adults only” room at the back of the video store. Descriptions like, “Major Trouble Sexy Army Babe reporting for duty!” next to a model donning what looks like a camouflaged leaf are a far cry from the witch costume in first grade.
Halloween is a time to show how much confidence you really have, apparently. At least the bikini models can finally have their good time come October. As I continue to click through the many zany and itty-bitty costumes, I stop at one that catches my eye, the “Sexy Go-Green Girl.” A costume that lets you “get your point across about the environment and your feelings on men.” Whoa. For the real “progressive” girl.
How about sports-themed? I click on the sports costumes link. The first outfit I see is cleverly named “The Babe,” featuring a blonde girl smiling wide, a baseball in one hand and the other in a little pink glove. Her dress is essentially a long, tight, pastel baseball jersey. I mumble about seeing something like that at the thrift store for much less last week and continue my tireless search.
There has got to be something I like out there. I notice a little button labeled “clearance” at the bottom of the webpage. This should have some potential.
“Five-Piece Foxy Fuzz,” complete with handcuffs, heads up the list of discounted Halloween costumes. The picture looks like somebody handed a Victoria’s Secret model a baton and said, “Say cheese.”
The next possibility is the quintessential “Naughty Nurse” complete with a shot glass. Get it? A shot glass? Because a naughty nurse much prefers taking a shot before she gets poked, don’t you know?
I feel exasperated. All I wanted was a Halloween costume I wouldn’t be afraid to bend in.
The wonderful aspect of Halloween is that it’s the one time all year where you can dress up as anything you want and nobody would give a second glance (unless you’re the one in the banana suit). So I have no qualms about what people want to wear. Do it! It’s Halloween. But women shouldn’t feel they have to dress promiscuously in order to do the holiday right. Women certainly can dress that way if that’s what they truly want to do-it makes for less laundry after all. Yet you should only do what is comfortable to you. If that means pulling off the sheets and wrapping every inch of your body with it, alright. You probably won’t be the only sheet monster out there.
I have yet to find my perfect costume, but fortunately there is plenty of time. I have a few ideas that would be more than what I had last year at this moment.
I know it’s going to be a fun night with friends, and if I play my cards right, I won’t be anywhere near that naughty nurse.
<b>Laura Krawczyk</b> is a student at the University of Wisconsin-River Falls.