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Opinion

Columnist dabbles anarchy of the mind

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February 5, 2009

Welcome back, folks. Like an unplanned teen pregnancy, this semester has jolted my attention and alert level into a state of frenzy. I can’t fathom myself living the rest of my life the same way I spent my lazy J-Term.

Though I was able to rest and sleep pretty much as long as I wanted, I find the mediocre, announced lifestyle of having not a whole lot to do boring and uninteresting. I’m a guy who needs to run around looking for my misplaced head. I need stuff to do and I need chaos. I like River Falls based on the mere fact that I’m able to choose how much of a living hell my life can be. And by hell, I mean heaven.

I’m a concerned individual. If I’m not late for something then I’m unhappy. I spent a good portion of my break at home, and thanks to the fact that UW-River Falls likes to start classes three weeks after everyone else in the entire world, I spent it by myself. Even watching a television from two in the afternoon until 11 at night became something of a chore.

I did, however, enjoy finishing another season of 24-THAT didn’t make me feel slovenly in any way. My roommates, in all their infinite creativity, wanted to watch Scrubs all the time. Though I enjoy Scrubs, it’s not the kind of show that makes me feel good about watching at all hours of the day and night. 24 makes me want to kick ass, but anyway. 

So after a week of watching TV and eating fruit snacks out of a bowl filled with milk, I felt my soul melting through my innards. It took me another week to regain my ground, like a former cocaine addict detoxifying his broken self.

So, two weeks into break I stumbled into solo boredom and self deprecation. Many times did I black out in the middle of the day only to regain consciousness several miles away in some random stranger’s basement closet. O’rly?

So I’ve returned! I feel like one of the two protagonists from everyone’s favorite “Beavis and Butthead Do America.” I am Beavis when, after he so graciously turns to Butthead as they’re stuck in the open trunk of a car traveling 70 mph down the freeway,  he says to his comrade “hey Butthead, just, like, jump out of the car and start…running really fast. You’ll be okay.”

I’ve hit the ground running fast, and already I feel like dying, but remember: I love it. Amidst a trembling class load I’ve managed to tack on a personal life jam packed with more crap to do than Satan on Mardi Gras.

I recommend you all do the same. Get involved. Release your need to sleep in and start taking shots of caffeine while you’re still young and strong. Thriving on stress isn’t necessarily a bad thing when you can control it. After a while you learn to mold and use it for creation and strength. I wake up in the morning and everything in my room is usually on fire.

Once I’m fully awake and realize I’m not actually engulfed in flames, I make a pot of coffee, which I usually down in less than 40 seconds, and begin my day by diving out of my second story apartment window into the flatbed of a rusty Chevrolet with no muffler that whisks me to my first class.

When I graduate I will be the ultimate weapon against stress and sleep deprivation. Like Delta Force, I will be trained in the art of working, playing and operating under completely insane circumstances.

I can dish out 10-page research papers whilst cooking a four course meal whilst showering whilst debating the social issues surrounding ACDC’s “Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap.” I recommend tailoring yourselves to living an anarchic lifestyle now so that when you enter the real world there’ll be no surprises.

Brad Brookins is a graduate of UW-River Falls.