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Opinion

College Democrats need fewer ‘Democrats,’ more intelligence

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April 17, 2008

As the election draws closer, as the ads and the YouTube videos grow more and more bitter and propagandic, I find myself sitting here thinking about Mike Donnelley.

  You know Mike Donnelley; his brother Al was running for Governor. Okay, for those who don’t know, I’m talking about that cinematic masterpiece “Black Sheep,” starring Chris Farley and David Spade.

  Farley played the role of Mike Donnelley, a candidate’s skeleton-in-the-closet brother with a love for mischief. While the movie didn’t get more than a star or two from critics, I think this was one of the greatest movies of our time.

  Truly great movies have truly great messages. “American Beauty” taught us to look at the little things in life instead of stressing out over the meaningless, “There’s Something About Mary” taught us to never borrow hair gel from a 16-year-old prom date and “Black Sheep” taught us to look at the candidate and not judge him by the company he keeps.

  This is great advice when it comes to my candidate, as we have heard nonstop quotes from his minister on the evening news. But I’m not here to talk about the next great American President; I’m here to talk about his party.

  Until recently, I was more than happy to join in the occasional political conversation or debate, and then they ruined it. I never thought that I would be ashamed of fellow liberals, and I never thought it would go as far as me changing my Facebook Political Beliefs to “Very Conservative” to avoid being in the same category as our faithful College Democrats.

  I can already hear the keys on their keyboards clicking away amidst Neil Young records and the disgusting scent of clove cigarettes, but please let me explain. It seems like everywhere I go on this campus I run into our College Democrats (I am in no way complaining about their First Amendment rights) who have nothing better to do than harass other students.

  If our College Democrats could just step back for two minutes, put away their Free Thought Society pirate costumes and focus on the job at hand, maybe this wouldn’t be a problem. How is our political base supposed to persuade undecided or apathetic student voters with megaphones and twelve-man anti-war marches? (T-he Vietnam War is over; Charlie took a bullet in his no-no zone, but he’s okay now—you can relax.)

  I wholeheartedly support campus-wide debates, but I think the College Democrats should be banned from them. These debates and activities should be left to the College Republicans and the Socialist Alternative. These are the organizations that I see doing research, creating discussions, and standing up for their beliefs. These organizations are doing everything they can to bring people in, as opposed to scaring them away.

  With that said, I am pleading with the College Dems to disband, or at least rid themselves of the loud, obnoxious members who taint the term “liberal” on this campus. I hate to say it, but take some notes from the College Republicans on how to act professionally. If you do not agree with such statements, feel free to visit any Student Senate meeting.

  Last week Tuesday started with College Democrat Ben Plunkett addressing Student Senate by saying, “Mr. President, our country is at WAR!”  REALLY???  I had NO idea that we were at war. Hmm … I wonder what else you could offer me as I bathe in your glory? Needless to say, that was the intellectual high point of the speech. 

  The night ended with the same faithful Democrat calling out Student Senators and members of LDPB in a fairly unprofessional manner. In fact, the actual phrase being yelled out by this loud monstrosity of a man was, “You gotta keep these f*****s in line!”

  I couldn’t agree more. Our College Dems should try keeping their own members in line. If we want the Democrats to actually win a Presidential election or stop the war in Iraq, we need support from our peers. Stop hurting the Democratic Party. This isn’t a kooky Chris Farley movie, you can’t just get high, collect a few laughs, and expect all to end well.   

  This is our chance to make actual U.S. History, so I plead with you, my former-fellow Democrats, stop screwing this up for the rest of us!

  Mike has been an avid Barack Obama fan since 2004. He is currently completing his tenure as an education major.

Mike Pearson is a student at UW-River Falls.