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Vikings loss leads to one long trip back to River Falls

September 28, 2007

Hello, football fans. I’m sure most of you watched the wave of football games last Sunday and stumbled upon the Minnesota Vikings choking in Kansas City. Well, because I like to have a little bit of adventure in my life (and have no concept of money at all) I traveled down to Kansas City to watch the art of the two-yard pass. Because the Green Bay Packers visit the great venue known as Arrowhead Stadium later this year, I would like to share my experience with you all to hopefully help someone with their trip and make it memorable. The following took place Sept. 23, 2007.

5:15 am: “Rockstar” by Nickelback blares on my cell phone (kind of ironic seeing as this morning I have no intention of partying like a Rockstar). I would like to sleep for 10 more hours, but then I would be out $300.

6:16 am: All four members of our party are thrown into a car where everyone immediately falls asleep. Except for the driver.

9:20 am: We merge onto Interstate 435 in Kansas City and immediately come to a stop.

9:50 am: I optimistically say to everyone else, we should be in the parking lot and tailgating by 10:30.

10:30 am: Still in I-435. I recommend to the driver that he should go Grand Theft Auto and just slam his way into the Arrowhead parking lot.

10:45 am: We finally see some light banks, but are still miles away from the stadium.

11:10 am: We park and tailgate commences with the breakfast of champions, Cheddarwurst and Mich Golden.

11:45 am: First encounter of a Chiefs fan who, like their quarterback, can’t throw a football. I go to pick up the football and he says, “Vikings are going down.” I smile and joke that I should have thrown the ball 20 yards in the opposite direction to which he promptly threatens to stick his foot in an unpleasant area.

12:00 pm: Kickoff, and we’re surrounded by red with splotches of purple.

12:20 pm: Vikings get the ball and Adrian Peterson rams it down their throat. Life is great.

12:21 pm: The second altercation of the day breaks out when the party starts singing Skol Vikings. A beer (the first of the day) is thrown in our direction. I think it was a Coors Light.

1:15 pm: Halftime, Vikings lead 10-3. Meanwhile I’m checking the ticker to follow my fantasy teams.

1:40 pm: The Chiefs pull within 10-6. To make matters worse, I find out that Kevin Curtis is having a field day now that the reins of Crishadinization have been taken off with his release on Wednesday morning. He’s responded with 221 yards and 3 touchdowns. The combination of the two events make me want to jump off the upper deck and onto the field so Pat Williams will eat me and put me out of my misery.

1:50 pm: Some drunken Chiefs fan does the honor for me. He runs by Williams who just stares at him, and EJ Henderson nearly tackles him. Finally, two security guys come up from behind and drill his face into the ground. The Chiefs mascot piles on and the crowd roars.

2:15 pm: I’m not laughing anymore. Damon Huard, who in the first half looked like me if I was a NFL Quarterback, just threw a touchdown to Dwayne Bowe. Chiefs lead 13-10. The second, third and fourth beers of the day are thrown in our direction.

2:37 pm: I want them to rip that ticker down. Anquan Boldin is on my bench and he has 188 yards and 2 touchdowns. I want to ball up in the fetal position and cry.

3:02 pm: The Vikings unleash the fury of the two yard pass when they need to get 80 yards to take the lead with less than two minutes left. An unsuccessful hook-and-ladder play winds up in guard Steve Hutchinson’s hands to which he immediately says “MAMA I GOT THE FOOTBALL!!! I GOT THE FOOTBALL!!!” Ball game. Chiefs win, the fifth. Sixth, seventh eighth, ninth and tenth beers of the day thrown in our direction and the Native American/Atlanta Braves like chants start.

3:25 pm: Let the 17-hour journey back to River Falls begin! Overall, Arrowhead is a great experience. If you want some eats there I recommend tailgating and stuffing yourself full of your own BBQ rather than getting it at the stadium. I also recommend getting there at the crack of dawn or else you’ll spend way too much time on the highway. Oh, and start Kevin Curtis next week.