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Opinion

Orton ready to ‘Party Like a Rockstar’ at the Dome

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December 13, 2007

I was jumping on the Internet and there was a headline that grabbed my attention on MSN.com.  It was a headline that gave the Bears a huge blow in their credibility and really was a head scratcher. A 5-year-old descendant of Davey Crockett killed a bear. The child was a 10th generation grandchild of Davey Crockett. It was kind of a culture shock to be honest as I thought Davey Crockett was a tall tale figure such as Paul Bunyan. Meanwhile some other Bears had their share of problems last week.

The Chicago Bears lost quarterback Rex Grossman for the season after he suffered a sprained ligament in his knee on Thursday night. Bears head coach Lovie Smith had a couple of options to go with when he named his starting quarterback for Monday night’s game against the Minnesota Vikings.

There was Brian Griese, who has failed everywhere he’s played. Then there was Kyle Orton who has a winning record as a starter. Smith went with his third string quarterback and the Bears unveiled their secret weapon.

Orton is a farm kid from Iowa and wound up going to Purdue where he was a decent quarterback. Orton wound up getting drafted in the fourth round in the 2005 draft and started the season as the Bears second-string quarterback.    Then, in the final preseason game in 2005 against the St. Louis Rams, Grossman broke his ankle and it was believed that he would be out for the season. Orton took over and led the Bears to a NFC North title, but let’s break his season down a little bit.

Orton started 15 games for the Bears, 14 of them mattered as the Minnesota Vikings found a way to get eliminated on Christmas day that season adding another chapter to their futility. Orton meanwhile, set his own standards in that regard. 

Orton would only complete 51 percent of his passes and threw for nine touchdowns and 13 interceptions. The offense was awful with the exception of running back Thomas Jones. The Bears defense was so good that Orton didn’t need to be the second coming of Peyton Manning, so he sucked and got away with it. So why would Orton be such a “secret weapon?”

That would be because Kyle Orton is a beast in the social scene of Chicago. Try this.

Go to the Web site http://www.drunkathlete.com and look on the left side of the page.

There are pictures of your favorite athletes including David Ortiz, Daisuke Matsuzaka (AKA Dice-K), Matt Flynn, Greg Oden and Kenny Rogers to name a few. (Sorry, Packer fans, no Brett Favre.)

Most of the athletes have a couple pictures, nothing too bad. Yet, we’re talking about KYLE ORTON here!

To quote wrestling legend Ric Flair, Orton is always “stylin’ and profilin’”. If you haven’t seen these pictures yet, I strongly encourage this.

There’s the picture of Orton flipping off a fan for taking his picture in a bar. Then, there’s the picture of Orton dancing with some blonde bombshell. Another one is the typical, “I’m wasted and wearing gigantic aviators” picture.

Then it shows him taking the blonde bombshell home with a coke in one hand and a bottle of   Jack Daniels in the other.

Then, there is my personal favorite, Orton puking with that Jack Bottle in his one hand and a Jack and Coke in the other.

Orton is an Internet legend, and he hasn’t even played since 2005. This has to be the best way for an NFL quarterback to spend his time out of the limelight. It’s certainly more entertaining than seeing Ryan Leaf sell mops for a living. It was so entertaining that myself, a Packer fan and a Lions fans saw it and all started laughing and we forgot that we hated each other. (Hey, Christmas is a time for peace, right?)

The bottom line is that the Bears have decided to whip out their secret weapon at the right time. The Bears are 5-8 and are about to flat-line in the NFC Playoff Picture.

The Minnesota Vikings come in like a house on fire after winning their last four games after being embarrassed by the Green Bay Packers a month ago.

Hopefully, a party won’t break out on this game because then Orton might do his best Davey Crockett impression and kill something with his bare hands. So if I was Lovie Smith, I’d put a keg on the sideline, some bombshells in the front row behind the Bears bench, and instead of Gatorade, pour some Captain Cokes.
 
It’s party time at 7:30 p.m. Monday at the Metrodome.

Chris Schad is a student at UW-River Falls.