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Not the Duff you’re looking for: ‘Christmas Belle’ is unsurprisingly bad

December 13, 2017

Here’s a fun fact: Every single year around July, Haylie Duff, the less prominent Duff sister, begins a journey in which she begins to film a parade of Lifetime and Hallmark Christmas movies. She’s done this to the point where half of my Netflix queue is just Haylie Duff Christmas movies.

‘Gammera the Invincible’ is wonderful and confusing, all at the same time

December 6, 2017

Assistant Editor Sophie Koch gave me her dvd of Japanese monster movies to watch about two months ago.

This week I finally used a dvd player to watch them.

“Gammera the Invincible” was on this dvd and to be honest, I had about as much of a clue as you do of what this movie was about.

‘The Decoy Bride’ does nothing special to separate itself from the rest of romances

November 29, 2017

If you’ve read my column for more than a hot minute you may have realized that there is a quite a large amount of both babes and romance being featured.

The Creamed Corn of Romance Movies: ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’

November 15, 2017

I’ve been threatening to review Fifty Shades of Grey for a while now, and have finally gotten around to it.

I watched this movie in a room with my three roommates and ate pancakes during it, so maybe that’s affected my emotional response to it. Keep in mind that my senses may have been dulled by pancakes and people.

‘Thor: Ragnarok’ adds some metal to the Marvel Cinematic Universe

November 8, 2017

You may remember a time long ago when the Student Voice used to have a movie reviewer who went to the movies instead of staying home and watching Netflix, when the word babe had never graced the pages of this fine newspaper; Again, long ago.

‘Albion: The Enchanted Stallion’ leaves the viewer with more questions than answers

November 1, 2017

We all knew that girl in high school who had an obsession with horses. You know, the girl who seems kind of normal until you get to her house and see shelves and shelves of plastic horses staring down at you with their beady eyes. They use mane and tail shampoo for both their head and their horse and there are photos of the girl and her horse in matching hairstyles.

‘Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone’ is the perfect beginning to a magical series

October 25, 2017

Here is a fact that I have memorized, 10-31-1981 is when Lily and James Potter were slayed by (a very extra) Voldemort.

The Christmas Spirit brings Ghostly Glee to Halloween

October 18, 2017

First and foremost, I would like to apologize to those five people who I told I was reviewing Scooby Doo and the Witch’s ghost, as it turns out that every quality Scooby Doo movie is not available for streaming.

‘Made of Honor’ is not made of greatness

October 11, 2017

“Made of Honor” starts with what is perhaps my favorite reoccurring movie plot, a playboy falls in love with an actually okay human being and gets friend-zoned. Said man then waits until his best friend is about to be married to ruin her life and take out any love rivals.

Hocus Pocus lives up to why you fell in love with it as a child

October 4, 2017

To preface this review, I would like to state that I am not a fan of Sarah Jessica Parker. This is not for reasons concerning appearance or the sound of her voice, this is for the personal belief that Sarah Jessica Parker is only capable of playing two people.

Cult classic ‘Heathers’ touches on serious topics with off-brand comedy

September 27, 2017

Heathers is a 1989 thriller comedy starring Winona Ryder. Like almost every other movie starring Winona Ryder this movie is considered a cult movie and later led to a musical and a strange Instagram ad campaign for a tv show.

The Prince and Me isn’t the romance story you’ve been looking for

September 20, 2017

The Prince and Me, not to be mistaken for the Prince and I, is a 2004 romantic comedy about a pre-med student with little passion for the liberal arts and a prince with a strong passion for the female figure.

‘The Circle’ a shining example of stellar cast, idea squandered

May 2, 2017

Mae Holland (Emma Watson) lands the job of a lifetime at the world’s most powerful technology and social media company, The Circle. Encouraged by the company’s founder (Tom Hanks), Holland joins a groundbreaking experiment that pushes the boundaries of privacy, ethics and personal freedom.

Action-packed ‘The Fate of the Furious’ makes for wild ride

April 18, 2017

With “The Fate of the Furious,” one of the most successful film franchises in history is back! Dom (Vin Diesel) has brought everyone together to create a family. However, in the middle of a job, he betrays his family and starts to work for Cipher (Charlize Theron). What does she have on Dom to make him turn on his family?

‘Life’ evokes memory of ‘Alien,’ but struggles with deeper theme

April 12, 2017

Astronauts (Jake Gyllenhaal, Rebecca Ferguson and Ryan Reynolds) aboard the International Space Station are on the verge of one of the most important discoveries in human history: the first evidence of extraterrestrial life on Mars. As the members of the crew conduct their research, the rapidly evolving life-form proves far more intelligent and terrifying than anyone could have imagined.