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‘Kiki’s Delivery Service’: coming of age with a fantasy twist

February 21, 2018

To preface this article, I would like to apologize to Jacinta, a beautiful and perfect woman who recommended another movie this week for review. I had to push back that review to next week because it is not every day that you get an opportunity to watch “Kiki’s Delivery Service.”

Portugal. The Man rocks the Palace Theatre

February 14, 2018

Before they took to the stage last Friday, Portugal. The Man set the expectations for the rest of the night. A message appeared on the screen behind the stage reading, “We are not very good at stage banter, so tonight’s performance will feature some slogans written by our management. Thank you for your continued understanding.”

“Mascots” is the movie to watch this Valentine’s Day

February 13, 2018

“Mascots”: more like mass consumer entertainment.

Fun, not interesting or cool fact for my five readers: columns are not actually written on the day that a paper comes out if you’re a weekly paper. That is, they aren’t written that way most of the time.

‘Emo the Musical’: A Big Australian Why

February 7, 2018

Think of the worst idea you’ve ever had.

Was it climbing a tall tree? Maybe overdrawing your account? Applying for a job too late?

Whatever it was, it’s not as a bad as “Emo the Musical”.

Bernie is the (Jack) black comedy you need to see

January 31, 2018

I love Jack Black.

It’s not a joke, as many people may mistakenly believe.

When I was seven, I saw Nacho Libre and I knew, deep within my heart, that I loved Jack Black. If given the opportunity in my youth, I likely would have married Jack Black. Unfortunately, there are far more beautiful and talented women in this world, therefore such an idea is only a hypothetical.

Not the Duff you’re looking for: ‘Christmas Belle’ is unsurprisingly bad

December 13, 2017

Here’s a fun fact: Every single year around July, Haylie Duff, the less prominent Duff sister, begins a journey in which she begins to film a parade of Lifetime and Hallmark Christmas movies. She’s done this to the point where half of my Netflix queue is just Haylie Duff Christmas movies.

‘Gammera the Invincible’ is wonderful and confusing, all at the same time

December 6, 2017

Assistant Editor Sophie Koch gave me her dvd of Japanese monster movies to watch about two months ago.

This week I finally used a dvd player to watch them.

“Gammera the Invincible” was on this dvd and to be honest, I had about as much of a clue as you do of what this movie was about.

‘The Decoy Bride’ does nothing special to separate itself from the rest of romances

November 29, 2017

If you’ve read my column for more than a hot minute you may have realized that there is a quite a large amount of both babes and romance being featured.

The Creamed Corn of Romance Movies: ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’

November 15, 2017

I’ve been threatening to review Fifty Shades of Grey for a while now, and have finally gotten around to it.

I watched this movie in a room with my three roommates and ate pancakes during it, so maybe that’s affected my emotional response to it. Keep in mind that my senses may have been dulled by pancakes and people.

‘Thor: Ragnarok’ adds some metal to the Marvel Cinematic Universe

November 8, 2017

You may remember a time long ago when the Student Voice used to have a movie reviewer who went to the movies instead of staying home and watching Netflix, when the word babe had never graced the pages of this fine newspaper; Again, long ago.

‘Albion: The Enchanted Stallion’ leaves the viewer with more questions than answers

November 1, 2017

We all knew that girl in high school who had an obsession with horses. You know, the girl who seems kind of normal until you get to her house and see shelves and shelves of plastic horses staring down at you with their beady eyes. They use mane and tail shampoo for both their head and their horse and there are photos of the girl and her horse in matching hairstyles.

‘Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone’ is the perfect beginning to a magical series

October 25, 2017

Here is a fact that I have memorized, 10-31-1981 is when Lily and James Potter were slayed by (a very extra) Voldemort.

The Christmas Spirit brings Ghostly Glee to Halloween

October 18, 2017

First and foremost, I would like to apologize to those five people who I told I was reviewing Scooby Doo and the Witch’s ghost, as it turns out that every quality Scooby Doo movie is not available for streaming.

‘Made of Honor’ is not made of greatness

October 11, 2017

“Made of Honor” starts with what is perhaps my favorite reoccurring movie plot, a playboy falls in love with an actually okay human being and gets friend-zoned. Said man then waits until his best friend is about to be married to ruin her life and take out any love rivals.

Hocus Pocus lives up to why you fell in love with it as a child

October 4, 2017

To preface this review, I would like to state that I am not a fan of Sarah Jessica Parker. This is not for reasons concerning appearance or the sound of her voice, this is for the personal belief that Sarah Jessica Parker is only capable of playing two people.