February 21, 2018
To preface this article, I would like to apologize to Jacinta, a beautiful and perfect woman who recommended another movie this week for review. I had to push back that review to next week because it is not every day that you get an opportunity to watch “Kiki’s Delivery Service.”
February 14, 2018
Before they took to the stage last Friday, Portugal. The Man set the expectations for the rest of the night. A message appeared on the screen behind the stage reading, “We are not very good at stage banter, so tonight’s performance will feature some slogans written by our management. Thank you for your continued understanding.”
February 13, 2018
“Mascots”: more like mass consumer entertainment.
Fun, not interesting or cool fact for my five readers: columns are not actually written on the day that a paper comes out if you’re a weekly paper. That is, they aren’t written that way most of the time.
February 7, 2018
Think of the worst idea you’ve ever had.
Was it climbing a tall tree? Maybe overdrawing your account? Applying for a job too late?
Whatever it was, it’s not as a bad as “Emo the Musical”.
January 31, 2018
I love Jack Black.
It’s not a joke, as many people may mistakenly believe.
When I was seven, I saw Nacho Libre and I knew, deep within my heart, that I loved Jack Black. If given the opportunity in my youth, I likely would have married Jack Black. Unfortunately, there are far more beautiful and talented women in this world, therefore such an idea is only a hypothetical.
December 13, 2017
Here’s a fun fact: Every single year around July, Haylie Duff, the less prominent Duff sister, begins a journey in which she begins to film a parade of Lifetime and Hallmark Christmas movies. She’s done this to the point where half of my Netflix queue is just Haylie Duff Christmas movies.
December 6, 2017
Assistant Editor Sophie Koch gave me her dvd of Japanese monster movies to watch about two months ago.
This week I finally used a dvd player to watch them.
“Gammera the Invincible” was on this dvd and to be honest, I had about as much of a clue as you do of what this movie was about.
November 29, 2017
If you’ve read my column for more than a hot minute you may have realized that there is a quite a large amount of both babes and romance being featured.
November 15, 2017
I’ve been threatening to review Fifty Shades of Grey for a while now, and have finally gotten around to it.
I watched this movie in a room with my three roommates and ate pancakes during it, so maybe that’s affected my emotional response to it. Keep in mind that my senses may have been dulled by pancakes and people.
November 8, 2017
You may remember a time long ago when the Student Voice used to have a movie reviewer who went to the movies instead of staying home and watching Netflix, when the word babe had never graced the pages of this fine newspaper; Again, long ago.
November 1, 2017
We all knew that girl in high school who had an obsession with horses. You know, the girl who seems kind of normal until you get to her house and see shelves and shelves of plastic horses staring down at you with their beady eyes. They use mane and tail shampoo for both their head and their horse and there are photos of the girl and her horse in matching hairstyles.
October 25, 2017
Here is a fact that I have memorized, 10-31-1981 is when Lily and James Potter were slayed by (a very extra) Voldemort.
October 18, 2017
First and foremost, I would like to apologize to those five people who I told I was reviewing Scooby Doo and the Witch’s ghost, as it turns out that every quality Scooby Doo movie is not available for streaming.
October 11, 2017
“Made of Honor” starts with what is perhaps my favorite reoccurring movie plot, a playboy falls in love with an actually okay human being and gets friend-zoned. Said man then waits until his best friend is about to be married to ruin her life and take out any love rivals.
October 4, 2017
To preface this review, I would like to state that I am not a fan of Sarah Jessica Parker. This is not for reasons concerning appearance or the sound of her voice, this is for the personal belief that Sarah Jessica Parker is only capable of playing two people.