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Author archive: Bethany Lovejoy

December 13, 2017

Horoscopes by Beth: December 15

“Lo, how does thy in possession of silly effeminate wiles approach the holiday of Christ? How may I be certain of the rightfulness of my actions if I am but a peasant, unaware of the planet’s alignment and their tricks within thy fate?” This is what you probably thought this morning, but don’t worry because your friendly neighborhood reviewer is here to read those planets and align those signs for you.

December 13, 2017

Not the Duff you’re looking for: ‘Christmas Belle’ is unsurprisingly bad

Here’s a fun fact: Every single year around July, Haylie Duff, the less prominent Duff sister, begins a journey in which she begins to film a parade of Lifetime and Hallmark Christmas movies. She’s done this to the point where half of my Netflix queue is just Haylie Duff Christmas movies.

December 6, 2017

‘Gammera the Invincible’ is wonderful and confusing, all at the same time

Assistant Editor Sophie Koch gave me her dvd of Japanese monster movies to watch about two months ago.

This week I finally used a dvd player to watch them.

“Gammera the Invincible” was on this dvd and to be honest, I had about as much of a clue as you do of what this movie was about.

November 29, 2017

How a tuna fish sandwich became a Scarlet A; throwing away student’s food causes more problems

One of the new ‘background’ news pieces that stations and newspapers have been covering recently talks about schools throughout the united states where the food is taken away from a student for being under balanced and the student is given an alternative meal option in its place.

November 29, 2017

‘The Decoy Bride’ does nothing special to separate itself from the rest of romances

If you’ve read my column for more than a hot minute you may have realized that there is a quite a large amount of both babes and romance being featured.

November 15, 2017

The Creamed Corn of Romance Movies: ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’

I’ve been threatening to review Fifty Shades of Grey for a while now, and have finally gotten around to it.

I watched this movie in a room with my three roommates and ate pancakes during it, so maybe that’s affected my emotional response to it. Keep in mind that my senses may have been dulled by pancakes and people.

November 15, 2017

Are engagement rings really about them, or you?

“I made an investment.” My sister’s (ex) fiancée had reassured us of that no more than five times during our Christmas dinner, forcing her to hold up her ring with every single utterance and interrupting my older sister’s enjoyment of stuffing and chicken.

November 8, 2017

‘Thor: Ragnarok’ adds some metal to the Marvel Cinematic Universe

You may remember a time long ago when the Student Voice used to have a movie reviewer who went to the movies instead of staying home and watching Netflix, when the word babe had never graced the pages of this fine newspaper; Again, long ago.

November 1, 2017

The basic guide to food critique

As we know, it is every basic white girl’s duty to either run a food blog or own a food Instagram.

November 1, 2017

‘Albion: The Enchanted Stallion’ leaves the viewer with more questions than answers

We all knew that girl in high school who had an obsession with horses. You know, the girl who seems kind of normal until you get to her house and see shelves and shelves of plastic horses staring down at you with their beady eyes. They use mane and tail shampoo for both their head and their horse and there are photos of the girl and her horse in matching hairstyles.